Whenever I move things, I realize how much crap I have and I got all eye-roley at myself (word creation is one of my favorite things). Why do I still have clippings of Backstreet Boys from Seventeen Magazine? And the buttons. So. Many. Buttons. From countless clothes that are now gone. I end up shoving things in a box and saying “I’ll deal with you later” and then later is like, never.
Same goes for how I eat. Ugh, I’ll drop processed sugar in April (it’s April 5 and I just devoured an amazing Creme cupcake). Or the half-hearted commitments to doing Paleo.
Or how my knee has significant on and off pain since my cross-country bike ride in 2012 and I’m like eh, it will be fine. Other minor health issues I just tell myself aren’t reeeeeally a big deal and whoosh, all the annoyances continue to be shoved under a rug.
I am still the administrator/owner of nonprofit’s website and I haven’t worked there for three years! I have email receipts from 2011! I have cans in my car from three weeks ago and a random stick in my car that “I liked!”
I read all of my monthly Simple Living magazines, I am obsessed with Courtney Carver’s blog posts and I devoured The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. And shoot, I could spit out all the great things and encourage others to live that way, but somewhere along the way, I miss it for myself.
There is no part of me that wants perfection. I want to enjoy life and I know that means things are going to be a little messy and scattered. I’ve just reached the point where I can really pinpoint all the times I’ve chosen other people, work, “shoulds,” and (not ideal) opportunities instead of taking care of myself and my own environment I live in every single day.
Our health is our biggest asset and I continue to drain myself mentally with “I’ll do it laters” and physically by not checking in on things that need some attention. I’ve gotten pretty good about investing in incredible skincare & cosmetics that are free of harmful ingredients, but so many other areas are blatantly ignored. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still excited about life and everything that is a part of it, but with the recent move, the realization of the weight of things that have been pushed aside is heavier than ever. And that’s okay.
Awareness is the first step to change.
So, I’m slowly… changing. It will be annoying to clean out the files, say bye to the “things” I don’t love, cut off time with people who don’t fill me up, and schedule appointments that will hopefully help me feel healthier. But I want to create the head space and physical space in my life to be more open to opportunities, creativity, and presence.
The picture below is always my reminder of simpler days. Although two months of biking is never physically easy, every single weekday went like this: wake up, eat, get on a bike, pedal, eat, pedal, eat, sleep (and present about clean water at times too). Channeling that time in my life makes me feel so much lighter. And here we are, as a community, finishing thousands of miles… together. (I love you guys.) <3
My name is Emily and from this day forward, I pledge to take care of my body, mind, spirit, and relationships. I forgive myself right now for not doing it sooner and I forgive myself in advance for not doing it in the most ideal way (life happens!).
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