I recently posted an article called How to love a girl who doesn’t know how to be loved on my Facebook page. It spoke to me for a lot of reasons & most of the time I don’t get into anything that’s even remotely “dude-related” on the blog. Ask me in person and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. But the article helped me explore some of the relationship challenges I’ve faced in the past.
I’ve spent the majority of my college years and 20s as a single lady. I’ve been set up on blind dates, tried the oh-so-hilarious Tinder last summer, and done the “hmm, I thought this was definitely a friend thing, but it appears it’s not” coffee dates. I’ve met people with huge egos and no sense of curiosity and then I’ve met people who care deeply about humanity and want to explore the ends of the earth.
There have been guys who let me know exactly how they were feeling and others who wouldn’t touch the subject. There have been times when my feelings have been really hurt and other times where I feel very full inside from spending time with another human. There have been times when my heart broke and I asked for closure and never got it. There have been times where I ignored my gut feeling to ditch a dude and other times where instant connections were made and conversations could last forever. I’ve let my mind fill with questions, wondering why I wasn’t “good enough,” why feelings weren’t mutual, why I just can’t be attracted to someone, why, why, why.
People often ask me why I’m still single. It’s an uncomfortable question to ask someone in case you’ve been the one to ask… There’s the “oh, don’t worry sweetie, you’ll find someone,” and the “he’s out there, just give it time” comments when I respond awkwardly to the awkward question. Eye roll.
The reason I’m still single is because I haven’t met the right person. Period. And that is so, totally cool with me. I’m the girl who is really okay with the “Miss Independent” attitude and fine with running the Emily Empire solo. If someone comes along & joins the crazy world I live in (and likes cats, duh), then awesome. But, I don’t feel like I should have to defend myself or answer in a way that justifies why I’m still single.
Being single actually rocks. And you know why it rocks? Because it’s all about your perspective. Some people take the single label, slap it on themselves and feel shame. They take single to mean “not good enough, not worthy, too fat, yada yada.” I think society is somewhat to blame for pushing that on people (especially from small towns, amiright?), but at the end of the day I get to choose what I believe. And I choose to believe that while I’m single, I can be just as happy as when I’m not. Please stop feeling sorry for yourself if you’re still single & start taking in the life you have right here and now. Pity party = over.
What I’ve learned from dating has helped me figure out what I like and what I don’t like. It’s challenged me and put me in really uncomfortable situations. It’s opened doors to new friendships and certainly taught me how to read body language (and text language, which is really really fun to analyze…not). Dating is weird if you make it weird, but we’re all just humans trying to figure out who we are. And sometimes we jive with people and sometimes we don’t. I’ve learned not to settle for mediocrity, trust my gut, bring up conversations that are important to me and how to be my genuine self no matter what sort of response there is.
My life is a whirlwind, filled with incredible friends & family, amazing opportunities and so much joy. I’m not just saying that, I’m truly grateful for the masterpiece I’ve created with my life. On the other hand, I sometimes feel like my Friday Fives make it seem like I have a flawless life (as much as I try not to do that), when in reality, I’ve struggled with figuring out everything mentioned above just like every other person. Not sharing that didn’t feel genuine to me, so here I am, word vomiting to you to let you know I’m going through the same things you have probably seen or experienced.
Subscribe for a dose of mindfulness before you head into the week.