I find myself on Tumblr way too often because I’m somewhat of a quote whore and seek out wisdom and tidbits of knowledge religiously. Mostly because I want to share it with others, but also because I have a lot to learn. I’ve watched so many people settle, I’ve seen marriages end and disappointment and radiant hearts and broken hearts and the rush of feeling completely captivated by another human. While I’m absolutely not an expert on relationships, I certainly like to pretend I am. And I like to share what I know because I believe even if one person needs a gentle push, well here I am.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far based on experience, others experiences and Tumblr:
1. Listen to your gut & your friends. If your gut isn’t very loud, well I suggest you get to know yourself a little better and practice some self-love. You know, spending time with yourself, journaling, blogging, meditating, whatever floats yer boat. And if you still don’t know what your gut is saying, well the fact that you’re questioning it so much is probably your answer. Anyway. You should also be transparent with your friends and give them permission to be blunt. And if you don’t have friends who challenge you or really listen, get new ones. Please.
2. I’ve seen some serious red flags in my life, but being the optimist I am, I tend to let the beauty outshine the u-g-l-y (my least favorite word, like ever). And then all the negative information I’ve sensed and heard is shoved into this box that is never touched again. Okay, NOT okay, people. If you are seeing any sort of red flags you either address it immediately or GTFO of town.
3. Said person does not complete you and will not complete you. They won’t hear your thoughts and you cannot control them. And if you try to manipulate and control them, you’re a sh*tty person and should stop being in a relationship ASAP.
4. Be a good communicator. Everyone has different rhythms. Some people hate talking on the phone, some prefer texting a lot, some like to lay out all their love constantly on Facebook. Whatever. Use your words. Say good morning, send a quick email, call to check in. Just don’t drop off the face of the planet and expect to be talked to again. It’s not that complicated. This number also includes being honest. That’s part of communication. And it’s hard to be vulnerable, but Sara Bareilles told me to say what you want to say and let the words fall out. And since she’s one of my favorites, I follow her advice. And you should too. So what if you’re rejected. Rejection is protection dear friends. Brush it off and get going.
5. Actions are more important than words. Seriously. Say all the nicest things in the world, but if you’re not capable of stepping up and making plans and doing anything remotely sweet once in a while, you’re totally lame and not worth a love interest’s time. Actions don’t need to amount to new lululemon tops (although those are great and hey, I’m size four), they’re the little things that count. Like having bottles of red wine ready at any given moment or making sure you saved a little of your dessert.
I’d say that’s a start. Honestly and ever so truthfully, I do not say these things passive aggressively or to make anyone feel like “this was meant for you to read.” I’m not that way (anymore) and I swear anytime I write something even remotely personal, I get a text asking if I was talking about them. No. I’m not. This is about me (in case you didn’t see my month of pure dedication to myself here it is).
What else am I missing? What more do I have to gain? Is Tumblr really not the bible of relationship advice? 😉 Totally kidding. Relationships can totally enhance the quality of your life. So let it if it’s right and good and there’s not something you’re still “figuring out” after a few months. Whatever happens in your life (in love, in work, in relationships, in general), don’t settle. And be radiant.