I feel weird about this.
I am naturally a care-giver, the person who thinks through every scenario and corrects other people’s actions when I see any form of discontent. I will go to meetings I have no place in so people like me. I will stay up late to celebrate a stranger’s birthday. I will wonder if the tone of my voice made you upset for far too long. I will draft a really emotional text to you and realize how ridiculous I am before pushing send (thank goodness).
Most of the time, it’s a quality about myself I like. It is mostly beneficial to be considerate. But it makes me exhausted after months and months of relentless emotional and physical giving.
Insert my July intention:
Pure, unabandoned self-love.
I don’t know that I’m mentally prepared to take this little adventure, but I’m going to be documenting it via Instagram and this fancy little blog (#ebselflove). I don’t expect profound things to happen, I just want to do things that are about me, my goals, my life, my choices (because I want them, not because you want them for me). I am not going to hold back on just being me. And choosing to fully embrace the Emily-isms.
Bear with me as I enter selfish mode. This might mean shutting down my phone for the night. It might mean not responding to texts or emails or Facebook messages. I hope it means making more time to watch Sex and the City, reading silly books, laying out, blogging more, drinking wine, being alone, saying no to things I really don’t want to do, and just escaping. I make myself extremely available and for this month, I am just not doing that. Plain and simple.
Ever since junior year of college, I have been pretty obsessed with the idea that we write our own stories. And if I want someone to read mine someday, I need to make sure it’s something worth reading. How am I supposed to know what story I want to write if I keep paying attention to the story others want me to write?
You can tell I’m getting into this. I hope you can indulge in a little selfish time as well, if you have a chronic people pleasing disorder like myself. 😉
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